Intrauterine insemination
July 31, 2023, I went in for my first IUI feeling full of positive energy. All the bullshit that we have had to go through, after all the babies I have seen be born, and all the baby announcements being made. It was finally MY turn. Time to start a family of my own and get to hold this child close to me for 9 whole months before bringing it into the world. I cried happy tears as I made my way to work. Ready to start the school year on a very positive note. Everything was going to be okay, life was going to be okay, and this was going to work.
So many of my friends supported me and wishing me the best of luck. This time I knew it was not only me and John who wanted this. It was more than that, it was family, it was our friends, and it was even some of our coworkers. Those who have kept up with this journey have been wanting this for us as well.
John and I are ready, you see… We both are hard workers, both in the process of our masters, and both have wanted this for so long. It is our time right?
Daily Testing
I started testing for ovulation early on. Day 10 of my cycle to be exact, just to make sure I did not miss my ovulation since my body was not doing what it is meant to do. I mean why would it? Once the trigger shot was approved and the IUI took place I would start testing for a positive pregnancy test.
August 1st, the pregnancy test came back positive, which I knew it would due to the trigger shot that was taken a few days prior. Luckily there are a couple of my friends who warned me that the trigger shot would wear off. I was unaware of, so I was blessed to have been able to learn that. Or I would have been devastated to see a negative test just 5 days after my IUI.
Continuing to Learn
After testing every day durning this process, a lot of hard thoughts came. Would this test turn positive? Why isn’t it turning positive, I have done everything that has been asked. No hot baths, no drinking any alcohol, no drinking caffeine, do not stress, pray for it, etc. There has to be a reason why the tests are not turning positive.
It has been researched that women who have natural monthly cycles have about a 25% of conceiving if you are under 30 years of age. According to WebMD, unexplained fertility means that you have a good egg count, a healthy uterus, open fallopian tubes, and a good sperm count under all normal conditions. Your success rate if you’re in this category is 7% to 10% per cycle. If you combine the treatment with fertility drugs, the success rates can increase to 15% to 25%. This is the category in which I fall under.
The Real Test Day
Waking up early in time to take the test and get ready for the school day was hard enough. I got up, went to the bathroom, and tested for what would be either a positive or a negative. If its negative, I stop the medication I am on and wait for my next cycle, if it is positive, I call Conceptions and schedule a blood test.
The results are in…. the test is negative.
No one can explain how hard infertility is. No one can explain how hard it is to lose a baby, no one can tell you what it is like to have an ectopic pregnancy. One thing I can do though is tell my story, share it for all to read. Hopefully then others can get a grasp of what it may be like. They may be able to understand why some thing like pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and children’s birthdays can be triggering for someone going through this.
What Happens Next?
A failed cycle is very hard, and can really test your mental health. Never in a million years would I have even thought I would be in this position. After many many tears and second guessing I know I have to move forward. As I sit and wait for my cycle to show up, the only thing I can truly do is stay positive and pray. Pray that this next cycle will work, pray that one day I will have a baby of my own.
There have been many tears this round. I was so hopeful at the beginning of the cycle. I was so positive that this was going to work and I could be able to move forward. Until then I understand that it is okay to cry and be mad at the world. One day I hope I will be able to look back and be so glad I did not give up. I hope that I will be able to say that infertility did not win. Here is to the IUI round 2, hoping and praying the outcome this time is different.
Very touching story! God bless you and I’m sending you lots of hopes and good vibes on your journey!
Very informative! Thank you for sharing
My thoughts are with you. I understand your journey all too well and support you. Thank you for sharing your journey – it will help so many.
Wishing you the best and I know how how this journey can be having gone through it with my younger sister. Thanks for sharing your experience.