Growing Up
Mother’s Day is a day of celebration honoring mothers of the family. Growing up I loved to celebrate this day. I was always excited to go down to the mall, go to the Lush store, and get my mom bath bombs. I would be so excited to have her open them, I mean who would not want to relax in a nice smelling bath? As I got older, it would become a time when I would take my mom to lunch. This day always allowed me to honor and love my mom although I do that every day. Today things are a little different with celebrating mother’s day with my mom as she is currently sailing around the world, following her dreams.
How do I celebrate my mom on mother’s day without her here? It usually consists of a long social media post about how I look up to my mom, how I inspire to have her adventure one day. As this is not very personable, there is not much more I can do for my mom being in a different country. Although it’s tough to celebrate with my mom these days, I still do what I can. After all, I would not be half the woman I am today without my mom.
Mother’s Day and Dreams
Growing up I used to love to think about my future. I had dreams about the mother I would be today. I would think of how lucky being a mother would be. You get to grow a human inside your body. After birth looking at this tiny human and knowing that your body made that. How amazing would that be? Once your child starts to grow you start hearing them learn new sounds and learning to talk.
After the baby years comes many other firsts. Riding bikes, making friends, going to school, and again becoming more of who they are. Once they get to school, as a mother you get to watch your child go on first dates, proms, driving, and other events that can help make your child successful. Watching them become their own person. Being a mother where you can watch your son or daughter become successful would have to be the most amazing feeling.
Mother’s Day and Infertility
Never in a million years would I think about how mother’s day would feel when going through infertility. There is no true way to say how it feels, no one understands unless you are living childless when all you’ve wanted your whole life was a child. No one understands the pain Mother’s Day brings when you’ve lost your pregnancy or cannot become pregnant. Those that are going through this, this is for us.
No one can say that you are not a mother, so much has hurt the past couple years with mothers day. To think that I would have a 1 year old this Mother’s Day hurts more than anything has ever hurt. The pain is surreal, unbearable, and tough. Some others have said nasty things to me that continue to hurt me. Those who are not going through something should be aware of what they say, especially on Mother’s Day. I have been told “Don’t worry, one day you will be able to celebrate” after I lost my child. How is that ok? How do I know I will be able to celebrate?
I want to be able to celebrate the way I used to, I cannot though. I sit and ask questions like why, I ask myself when.
Coming From the Heart
Here it is. Mother’s Day hurts for those going through infertility. Nothing will help make it better, as we sit here in pain trying to celebrate our own mothers we hurt more than anything. Although I will always continue to celebrate my lost child. I am a mother even though I am continuing to live trying to have a baby in my arms. If you are someone who knows someone going through infertility, wish them a happy mothers day. It helps fill in those tiny holes in our hearts. We are still mothers. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t love my baby that was taken from me, and wish more than anything that I could be loving that child. So this mothers day please think about others, and think before you speak of things you may not even mean.
A special Happy Mother’s Day to those who have lost their babies, to those struggling to get pregnant, to those who have been told they cannot have babies, to those who are trying for their rainbow babies, and to those who only have fur babies. You are seen, you are loved, and you deserve to be celebrated as well.
Links
I really enjoyed listening to GoodBadMoms podcast about Mother’s Day. Give it a listen for more information. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/miscarriage-and-infertility-on-mothers-day/id1498897591?i=1000474014729
To find out other ways you can help a friend or family member going through this you can read more on https://optionb.org/articles/how-to-be-there-on-mothers-day-for-friends-who-dont-have-kidsbut-want-them
To read more about my experience head to my home page https://ajourneythroughinfertility.com/
